Nightmare: In Pumps
by Intoxicated Gnu
Summary: Goemon's sick in a weird kind of way. With him not able to control it, the others struggle to help him.
1. Chapter 1

Goemon sat up, his head pounding. He held it, letting out a moan.  
"Goemon," Jigen said softly, "Where were you lastnight?"  
He glared up at Jigen in confusion. "What do you mean?"  
"You weren't here. I figured you went outside for a while or maybe went to go find Lupin."  
"I don't know what you're talking about," he refuted shakily, "I don't remember going anywhere."  
"Nevermind," Jigen sighed, choosing to give up. "Anyway, we're going to check the place out. Are you coming?"  
"Sorry, but I'm not feeling well. I think I'll just stay here."  
"'Kay," Jigen shrugged.  
He turned to leave, stopping when he saw something small and oddly colored laying next to Goemon's futon. "What's that?"  
"Hm?" Goemon looked over as Jigen bent down to pick it up.  
"Where did you get this?"  
Goemon wondered the same thing. "What is it?"  
"It's a matchbook... from a disco? A _disco_?"  
They continued to stare at it, both getting an unsettling feeling.  
"I'm sure it's nothing," Jigen threw it back down and adjusted his hat. "I'll see you later."  
Goemon nodded slowly.

When he heard the car leave, he relaxed a little.  
It wasn't until then he noticed he had been subconsciously itching his legs.  
"Why are my legs so itchy?" he grunted in annoyance, the scratching beginning to sting.  
He forced himself up, lifting his pant leg to see the damage.  
The image made his heart race. His eyes widened and his throat tightened as he tried to tear away his gaze.  
He started to breathe louder and louder, until he gave a deafening scream that seemed to never stop.

Lupin hurried inside, feeling instant relief from the heat. Fujiko and Jigen followed behind.  
Fujiko took a deep breath and exhaled gleefully. "That's much better."  
Lupin nodded in agreement, grinning confidently. "Hey, do you think we should take something else too? This might be too easy."  
"Don't get ahead of yourself."  
"Jigen, you worry too much," Lupin chuckled, "We're sticking to the plan... for now."  
"That's reassuring."  
Still grinning, Lupin started down the hall. "I guess we better go over it with Goemon."

"Goemon," he called, knocking on the door.  
Not recieving an answer, he shrugged and went inside.  
'_He's not here...'_  
He looked around, spotting Goemon's sword still leaning against the wall.  
"Goemon?" he yelled louder, peeking outside the door.  
Looking back into the room, he saw that the window was open. _'Goemon...'_  
Lupin was startled by a hand on his shoulder.  
"Something wrong?" Fujiko asked, noticing his jumpiness.  
"Goemon's gone... But his sword's still here."  
Jigen pushed his way past the two, kneeling down and feeling around the floor.  
"It's not here. He must have taken it with him."  
Lupin and Fujiko stood above him curiously.  
"What the hell is going on here?" he asked himself.


	2. The Birdie Go Tweet Tweet!

Lupin flipped through the pages of the phonebook, Jigen looking over his shoulder.  
"Jigen, do you really think he'd be at a disco?"  
"It's the only lead we've got," Jigen shrugged.  
Lupin groaned, looking down at the useless jumble of ads.  
"Why am I doing this? You're the one that saw it."  
"Wait, there it is!" Jigen pointed out the familiar logo filled with gaudy colors.  
"A roller disco? You think he's at a freakin' roller disco?"  
"Do you have any better ideas?" he snapped through gritted teeth, annoyed with Lupin's bickering.  
"Oh, no. Let's go to a _roller disco_ to look for a _samurai_. Great plan."  
He threw the phonebook over the side of the couch, grabbing his keys and handing them to Jigen.  
"I'll go get Fujiko," he sighed.  
Jigen scoffed and took a cigarette from his pocket, lighting it up and sticking it in his mouth.  
"It's strange, but you're overreacting just a little there!" he grumbled to himself.

"Fujiko," Lupin opened the door a crack, peering through it.  
Her arm draped over her head, she slept peacefully, still in her normal clothes.  
"Sleeping, huh? Oh well..."  
He snuck into the room, taking a pen and a pad of paper and bringing it back into the hallway.  
Sitting down on the floor, he leaned over the paper and began to write up a note.  
"Dear Fujiko," he said out loud while writing.  
'_Do I even want her to know where I am?'_ he wondered, the thought embarrassing him.  
"Went out to find Goemon. Be back soon. Love, Lupin... Good enough."  
He took another glance at her, and with a goofy grin gave the note a kiss before taping it to the other side of the door.  
Jigen tapped him on the shoulder from behind. "Any reason this is taking so long?"  
Lupin shushed him, turning the doorknob slowly and pulling until it was closed.  
"Fujiko's asleep. Might as well let her, it's not like we need her for this."  
"Whatever, let's just go already." He dropped the keys back into Lupin's grasp, stuffing his hands in his pockets.

Lupin felt the warmness creep up his throat as he gazed at his surroundings of bright lights and people dancing in their skates to Gloria Gaynor in shiny clothing.  
"Well, I don't see any men here, that's for sure," he cringed.  
Jigen raised an eyebrow, also feeling slightly creeped out.  
"How do we find Goemon in here, now?" Lupin reiterated.  
"That's a good question..."  
The two dragged their feet over the hot pink carpeting, Lupin trying not to look at it.  
"Can we go now? I don't think I can take much more."  
"There's gotta be something here. What, do we just give up?"  
"Jigen, you know why I don't like these places..."  
"Yeah, yeah. Just calm down, will you? We'll be out of here soon."  
As The BeeGees came on, Lupin started choking. He ran, holding his hand in his mouth.  
He came to the nearest garbage can and stuck his head in it, the song proving to be too much for him.  
Jigen followed him, standing by it patiently, Lupin seeming to never stop.  
"Are you okay?"  
Lupin breathed heavily, wiping his mouth on his sleeve.  
"I-I think so..."  
"Alright, I won't make you stay here anymore."  
"Thanks," he smiled weakly, falling onto his knees.  
"Come on," Jigen clutched the back of Lupin's collar, grunting as he strained to pull Lupin outside.  
"Now I wish Fujiko had come. Maybe she could be the one to haul your sorry ass back to the car..."

Back inside, Jigen stared dumbly at the rather bizarre environment. "Where do I begin?"

Lupin took deep breaths, his stomach beginning to feel a little better.  
He opened the door for fresh air, pulling himself onto the asphalt.  
He sat against the back wheel, his head in his hands.  
"You don' luke so gude," a voice squeaked behind him.  
"Huh?" He turned his head wearily to see who was talking to him.  
A sweet smile from ruby red lips, rosy cheeks, aquamarine eyeshadow...  
Lupin scrambled onto his feet and ducked his head behind the car, another wave of nausea overcoming him.  
'_**What the hell, Goemon!?'**_ he wanted to scream.  
Goemon still stood there smiling in nothing but a loin cloth, pantyhose, and red babydoll pumps with a gleam that could blind a man.  
"Do you like-a de leetle biiiiirdie?" he--or it--spoke again in a high pitched voice.  
Lupin wiped his mouth once more and shut his eyes, the dizziness making it impossible to stand.  
He hoped he had imagined it, that he was wrong. It had to be, right? Wasn't he?  
Hesitantly, he brought his head up, seeing the figure one last time before passing out.  
Goemon gasped, reaching his hand forward. "Lupin," he whispered.  
He quickly shook his head of his thoughts and ran off.

Lupin stirred from his place on the couch, opening his eyes halfway.  
Seeing him wake up, Jigen got up and stood over him.  
"Hey, feeling alright?"  
Lupin moaned in response, having trouble getting himself awake.  
"Sorry, Lupin. I knew about your phobia, but I didn't know it was that bad."  
He tried to sit up hastily, lack of strength causing him to fall back with wide eyes.  
"Did you see him?"  
"See who?"  
"Goemon."  
"Yeah, he's right over there," he stepped to the side so Lupin could see the armchair across from them  
"I found him while I was driving, but he doesn't know what happened. He just kind of ended up there. Something weird is happening..."  
"That's right something weird is happening, I saw you, Goemon!"  
He finally succeeded in sitting up, pointing his finger at Goemon.  
Goemon gave him a confused glare. "What do you mean?"  
"I saw you! In your lipstick... and high heeled shoes, and your Swedish accent, and..."  
He trailed off and made a sour face, realizing he sounded completely out of his mind.  
"I think you need a little more rest," Jigen suggested.  
"But it wasn't a dream, I swear!"  
"Goemon in make-up and womens shoes? That's realistic."  
Overhearing the conversation, Fujiko came in chuckling.  
She pushed Lupin's legs over and sat down beside him.  
"Maybe you don't need more rest if you're having dreams like that," she smirked, putting an arm around his neck.  
"Yeah, right... It had to be a dream," he smiled nervously.  
'_Please let it be just that.'_


End file.
